Even though my journey began 6 years ago, the last few weeks I've been seriously evaluating. I've been pondering over this computer nightly investing the time, trying to figure out my business. What am I doing? What's lacking? Why isn't this business growing as fast as I hoped it would? These are the same questions I've been asking myself every night over the last 2 weeks.
Have you ever wanted something so badly that it gives you an ache in your heart? You know what you want, you just don't know how to acquire it? This is where I am right now.
I started six years ago but 2 years ago my plans for photography were interrupted. I almost died in a head on collision with a drunk driver. For the last 2 years I've just been cruising on the time I invested prior to that fatal night. Since then, I've acquired a full time job not in photography but in Insurance. Yes I am not only a photographer but also a certified, bona fide, Insurance Claims Adjuster. You'd think the two occupations would be on opposite sides of the spectrum, but somehow I make it work.
It started out as a part time gig for bringing in money because I wasn't able to photograph weddings due to my injuries. I didn't pursue potential clients or put out proposals because I had no clue if I'd be able to keep up with the demand of being up on my feet for 8-10 hours. So, until I knew for sure, I had to do something to help out with the finances of our home. Being the people person that I am: I was starving for daily interaction with other adults and was in dire need of being around people.
When Ray introduced me to the idea, I swore it'd only be a temporary job. I was ecstatic when the opportunity presented itself. I was happy to do it, I'd make new friends, collect a pay check for short period of time and when the assignment was finished I'd go along my merry way with a pocket full of new friends.
Fast forward and here I am a year and a half later. I have to make this perfectly clear: the 3 people that I work with are awesome and I love them! I continue to work as an adjuster, not because of the work, but because of my team. I can honestly say I'm blessed by these people over and over again. There's never a dull moment and I enjoy their company greatly.
Yet despite this HUGE blessing from God: I feel like I'm starting from scratch again with my photography business and I'm not where I long to be in this business. I feel like I'm stuck.
The other day I was feeling down so I emailed my ultra favorite photographer Jasmine Star to ask her if she'd ever been stuck like I feel I am right now. I sent that email 3 days ago and since then I've checked my email numerous times to see if she's emailed back and guess what? She hasn't. She's got the best excuse there is for not getting back to me: she's rated in the top 10 best photographers in the world according to Photographer magazine and she's got a lot on her plate. So Jasmine, if by some fluke you're reading this: I still love you, your still my favorite photographer and I forgive you for not responding to my email.
Because Jasmine didn't email me back I started reading thru her early blogs. Surly I would find something referring to something related to the way I was feeling because there's no way her success just fell into her lap. Then it happened, it was like the clouds parted and the sun shown down on me. I came across a blog entry that Jasmine entered in March of 2006 on her old blog:
"What struck me the most was DJ insisting that one of the most vital things to succeed in this industry is faith. Faith that a business will blossom. Faith in thinking outside of the box. Faith that the journey is just as important as the destination. DJ had no clue how close to home his words were hitting. Every sentence pricked my heart because I knew I needed faith more than I needed anything else. I hung onto his words—picking them out of midair and filing them away in the Never Forget file in my brain—and instantly knew it was the sign I was looking for. God used him as my confirmation. I’m going forward full-throttle with photography and I’m faithful I will succeed."
There was the answer staring me right in the face for the question I've been asking
"What's lacking?".
That five letter word: F A I T H.
Jasmine may have not responded back to my email but in her own way she's answered my question and answered me in a time of desperation as I am trying to figure this all out. Furthermore just like God used David Jay to reach Jasmine, now so, God has used Jasmine Star to reach me.
So in the same words as my mentor: "I’m going forward full-throttle with photography and I’m faithful I will succeed."
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