The minute I found out that I was pregnant with Kendell, my entire world shifted in a way that I never thought possible. 23, single, could barely pay my rent due to my need to party all the time, pregnant. Despite the shock that I felt, the proof was telling and indisputable - 3 pregnancy tests at 99% accuracy, gave me little margin for error.
My moral compass was completely off course at that time. For weeks, I tortured myself with the various options and questioned my ability to bring a child into the world and attempt to be a good mother all at the same time. It all seamed so impossible but I made up my mind to see it thru anyway despite the challenges that lay ahead. I was insecure, hopeless but mostly petrified at the thought that I was going to be responsible for raising a child.
On May 29, 2000 I finally discovered the true meaning of unconditional love. Holding Kendell in my arms ignited a new hope in me and new passion to do all that I could do to make sure that we'd be ok.
My new found devotion led to sleepless nights as I watched him sleep to make sure he was still breathing. I sterilized, washed and rewashed everything to make sure he wouldn't get sick. I fed him teaspoon sizes of milk at a time and burped him non stop to make sure he wouldn't get an upset stomach. I went thru hundreds of diapers in the fist month alone because I was scared he'd get a rash on his bum. The list goes on and on. To say I was a little sensitive to Kendell's needs is an understatement, I was obsessed with getting parenting right.
When Ray and I got married and spoke about expanding our family, we were both unsure as to if we could possibly love another child as much as we loved Kendell. However I had faith that it work out and I knew that I was ready. I was convinced that if I could survive all that I did with Kendell that bringing another baby into the world within the security of marriage - would be a snap. The feelings I experienced the second time around were different and new. When Brianna was born, my heart grew double in size and the amount of unconditional love that I felt multiplied. I was finally experiencing what it felt like to have two children and to love them the same. I'll never understand how God designed the heart to love this way but it has been a true miracle that I'm thankful for every time I think about how much I love our kids.
Ray and I have navigated thru this parenting thing like the blind leading the blind. We've made mistakes along the way and done things that I'm certain our kids will remind us of one day when they're telling their kids about how awful we were about one thing or another. I know that I have wished at times that there were a manual with every answer to every situation we've faced with our kids however I know that Ray and I will continue to learn as we go. I've come to realize that the true meaning of parenting is to love, encourage, provide security and most importantly pray for the guidance that is needed to lead our kids thru this world.
I find myself praying a lot more these days than I ever have before for patience when it comes to my kids. I had to do that very thing this morning when I was in a situation where it seamed that the easiest thing would have been to just lash out. However, I've come to recognize the moments that are provided to teach our kids the valuable lessons in life and for that I am thankful. So today I'm thankful for my kids mistakes, because in their mistakes Ray and I are learning how to become better parents.
Ray and I are so proud of Kendell and Brianna and we love them so much, so in closing here are some pictures of the loves of our lives:
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Christina Juleson is anything but your averageAtlanta Atlanta Atlanta
My moral compass was completely off course at that time. For weeks, I tortured myself with the various options and questioned my ability to bring a child into the world and attempt to be a good mother all at the same time. It all seamed so impossible but I made up my mind to see it thru anyway despite the challenges that lay ahead. I was insecure, hopeless but mostly petrified at the thought that I was going to be responsible for raising a child.
On May 29, 2000 I finally discovered the true meaning of unconditional love. Holding Kendell in my arms ignited a new hope in me and new passion to do all that I could do to make sure that we'd be ok.
My new found devotion led to sleepless nights as I watched him sleep to make sure he was still breathing. I sterilized, washed and rewashed everything to make sure he wouldn't get sick. I fed him teaspoon sizes of milk at a time and burped him non stop to make sure he wouldn't get an upset stomach. I went thru hundreds of diapers in the fist month alone because I was scared he'd get a rash on his bum. The list goes on and on. To say I was a little sensitive to Kendell's needs is an understatement, I was obsessed with getting parenting right.
When Ray and I got married and spoke about expanding our family, we were both unsure as to if we could possibly love another child as much as we loved Kendell. However I had faith that it work out and I knew that I was ready. I was convinced that if I could survive all that I did with Kendell that bringing another baby into the world within the security of marriage - would be a snap. The feelings I experienced the second time around were different and new. When Brianna was born, my heart grew double in size and the amount of unconditional love that I felt multiplied. I was finally experiencing what it felt like to have two children and to love them the same. I'll never understand how God designed the heart to love this way but it has been a true miracle that I'm thankful for every time I think about how much I love our kids.
Ray and I have navigated thru this parenting thing like the blind leading the blind. We've made mistakes along the way and done things that I'm certain our kids will remind us of one day when they're telling their kids about how awful we were about one thing or another. I know that I have wished at times that there were a manual with every answer to every situation we've faced with our kids however I know that Ray and I will continue to learn as we go. I've come to realize that the true meaning of parenting is to love, encourage, provide security and most importantly pray for the guidance that is needed to lead our kids thru this world.
I find myself praying a lot more these days than I ever have before for patience when it comes to my kids. I had to do that very thing this morning when I was in a situation where it seamed that the easiest thing would have been to just lash out. However, I've come to recognize the moments that are provided to teach our kids the valuable lessons in life and for that I am thankful. So today I'm thankful for my kids mistakes, because in their mistakes Ray and I are learning how to become better parents.
Ray and I are so proud of Kendell and Brianna and we love them so much, so in closing here are some pictures of the loves of our lives:
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Christina Juleson is anything but your average
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Christina Juleson with Captured Essence Photography does provide additional photography service other than wedding photography.Please consider our studio for high school senior photography, child photography or family photography in the Atlanta
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