As a young person I used to wonder what people meant when they said "I'm thankful for all the struggles I've had to endure throughout my life".
When my friend Lin asked me 6 weeks ago to help her to teach anti bullying classes to a bunch of 6 graders, I jumped at the opportunity. I love Lin and respect her tremendously. For years Lin has worked endless hours giving back to her community by being an advocate for abused children. Over the last year she has developed the A4KClub (Ambassador 4 Kids), which educates kids about bullying and what they can do to prevent the mistreatment of others. The A4K Club is a division of Children Without a Voice another part of the organization of which I am very passionate.
Those who know me, know how passionate I am about kids, especially those who have been abused. I didn't blink twice when the opportunity presented itself for me to volunteer however nothing could have prepared me for all that I would take from this experience. I've shared my story previously in my blog concerning my experience in being bullied. To check out the post, click HERE.
However, I've never given the Internet the full story of all the other kinds of abuse that I endured as a kid. For years, I carried around a tremendous amount of shame and embarrassment associated with the abuse. For the greater amount of my adulthood I also carried anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness for those who did me wrong. I carried a long list of people who owed me an apology. For a long time I was completely blinded by my need to have the answers. I spent entirly too much energy keeping a record of wrongs. blaming God and making people pay for the mistakes they had made in the past
It hasn't been until recent years that I've learned that forgiveness isn't for the other person. Forgiving someone doesn't excuse the behavior or let the person off the hook for what they did to you. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is the tool that you use to let go of all the anger, the resent, and the bitterness. You're not expected to forget because forgiveness doesn't erase the memory. I feel that forgiveness has given me a different perspective on things and allowed me to open myself up to give of myself to others in ways that I never thought would be possible.
Over the last couple of months, I feel that I've moved from the stage of forgiveness to truly being thankful for all the struggles that I have endured throughout my life. However, I know that this new found reality isn't of me alone but from the spirit of Christ that is within me. I only know this to be truth for myself because I know that the person that I was before my relationship with Christ would have never fathomed the idea of extending forgiveness to anyone on her own. I understood the meaning of forgiveness when I learned the true meaning of being forgiven.
When I was younger, I often questioned where God was in every situation that I found myself in where I felt that I was being tortured. I questioned His existence so many times in my youth because I couldn't simply imagine that a loving God would ever allow all the bad things that happened to me to happen. However, as I've looked back on my life I've had moments of clarity that have made me realize that had those things not happened, my life wouldn't be on the course that it is now.
If I had not been a victim of abuse, I wouldn't be as passionate as I am about kids. If Juanita hadn't bullied me I wouldn't have the perspective I have today to talk to kids about being bullied.
It's one thing to realize that the past is the reason for why you are where you are right now. It's an entirely different thing to be truly thankful for everything that has happened to you because you can see how the past can be a motivator for helping others. I'm thankful, extremely thankful today. I wouldn't trade my past for a picture perfect upbringing if it means that I would have missed out on every moment I have now with my husband, my kids, or any other person that I hope will benefit from my story.
So many nights I cried myself to sleep each night wondering "why", maybe you do too. I think if you can just hold on tight and wait, even if waiting is a long time, you'll experience the power of a full circle moment.
My full circle moments happen every Wednesday when another window opens up for me to reflect back to my 6th grade year. It happend today when I walked thru the line in the caffeteria and was faced with a crowded lunchroom. It's amazing how after all these years, old feelings can come surging back.
Here's a "old" picture taken of me with my parents back in early part of 1977. I thought it fitting to put up a pic as this coming week I will be turning my permanent age of 36. By permanent age I mean: when asked in the future about my age, my answer will always be: 36!
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Christina Juleson is anything but your averageAtlanta Atlanta Atlanta
When my friend Lin asked me 6 weeks ago to help her to teach anti bullying classes to a bunch of 6 graders, I jumped at the opportunity. I love Lin and respect her tremendously. For years Lin has worked endless hours giving back to her community by being an advocate for abused children. Over the last year she has developed the A4KClub (Ambassador 4 Kids), which educates kids about bullying and what they can do to prevent the mistreatment of others. The A4K Club is a division of Children Without a Voice another part of the organization of which I am very passionate.
Those who know me, know how passionate I am about kids, especially those who have been abused. I didn't blink twice when the opportunity presented itself for me to volunteer however nothing could have prepared me for all that I would take from this experience. I've shared my story previously in my blog concerning my experience in being bullied. To check out the post, click HERE.
However, I've never given the Internet the full story of all the other kinds of abuse that I endured as a kid. For years, I carried around a tremendous amount of shame and embarrassment associated with the abuse. For the greater amount of my adulthood I also carried anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness for those who did me wrong. I carried a long list of people who owed me an apology. For a long time I was completely blinded by my need to have the answers. I spent entirly too much energy keeping a record of wrongs. blaming God and making people pay for the mistakes they had made in the past
It hasn't been until recent years that I've learned that forgiveness isn't for the other person. Forgiving someone doesn't excuse the behavior or let the person off the hook for what they did to you. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness is the tool that you use to let go of all the anger, the resent, and the bitterness. You're not expected to forget because forgiveness doesn't erase the memory. I feel that forgiveness has given me a different perspective on things and allowed me to open myself up to give of myself to others in ways that I never thought would be possible.
Over the last couple of months, I feel that I've moved from the stage of forgiveness to truly being thankful for all the struggles that I have endured throughout my life. However, I know that this new found reality isn't of me alone but from the spirit of Christ that is within me. I only know this to be truth for myself because I know that the person that I was before my relationship with Christ would have never fathomed the idea of extending forgiveness to anyone on her own. I understood the meaning of forgiveness when I learned the true meaning of being forgiven.
When I was younger, I often questioned where God was in every situation that I found myself in where I felt that I was being tortured. I questioned His existence so many times in my youth because I couldn't simply imagine that a loving God would ever allow all the bad things that happened to me to happen. However, as I've looked back on my life I've had moments of clarity that have made me realize that had those things not happened, my life wouldn't be on the course that it is now.
If I had not been a victim of abuse, I wouldn't be as passionate as I am about kids. If Juanita hadn't bullied me I wouldn't have the perspective I have today to talk to kids about being bullied.
It's one thing to realize that the past is the reason for why you are where you are right now. It's an entirely different thing to be truly thankful for everything that has happened to you because you can see how the past can be a motivator for helping others. I'm thankful, extremely thankful today. I wouldn't trade my past for a picture perfect upbringing if it means that I would have missed out on every moment I have now with my husband, my kids, or any other person that I hope will benefit from my story.
So many nights I cried myself to sleep each night wondering "why", maybe you do too. I think if you can just hold on tight and wait, even if waiting is a long time, you'll experience the power of a full circle moment.
My full circle moments happen every Wednesday when another window opens up for me to reflect back to my 6th grade year. It happend today when I walked thru the line in the caffeteria and was faced with a crowded lunchroom. It's amazing how after all these years, old feelings can come surging back.
Here's a "old" picture taken of me with my parents back in early part of 1977. I thought it fitting to put up a pic as this coming week I will be turning my permanent age of 36. By permanent age I mean: when asked in the future about my age, my answer will always be: 36!
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