A Permanent Mark

It was the summer of 1996, when Emily and I very bravely entered the little establishment near her home in Maryland to get our first tatoo.  There was never a second thought of what I would get, though Emily flipped thru books and after much thought and process decided on a picture of woodstock (the yellow bird from Charlie Brown).  I've often wondered if she regrets that choice, but who am I to judge, we were way young at that time and when you're young you can pretty much justify every single choice you make to the good ole saying "you're only young once".
Well I can clearly state that to this day, I've never regretted the choice I made: a beautiful butterfly. Yes I know to some it may seam a bit "cliche" but it holds way more meaning to me than just being some ornate piece of art permanently etched into my flesh.

See the thing is when I got it, I was thinking about all the years boys taunted me because I had "thunder thighs" or all the days I went home crying cause  I was the butt of every fat joke.  I was a plain Jayne who wanted to be so much more, do so much more.  I never quit fit in anywhere, so I made my own group of little misfits and in doing so welcomed anyone who wasn't accepted in all the other groups and we secluded ourselves and took a silent oath not to look anyone in the eye.

I'm sure my mom knows she did me a  HUGE favor by sending me off to boarding school my 7th grade year.  I spent 6 years at that small little school in the middle of no where, Kentucky:  a school of all but 30 students.  The greatest benefit: I was finally accepted just for being myself.  My transformation began that year and by the time I graduated, a full shift in self esteem had taken place.  I somehow came out of the slimmy cacoon I had confined myself to and found the confidence to flourish into my life.

Even after the blessing of 2 pregnancies, I don't regret my tatoo. It's a daily reminder of what I used to be and what I have become. It's even more relavent now then it was all those years ago.

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